I had two days off..

Boring

Uneventful

Waste of time.

 

That pretty much sums it up.

 

Back to work tonight, woo hoo!!

 

Finally something to do.

 

All work and no play

That pretty much sums it up.

 

I think I become a little more anti social every day.

I don't even wanna join games on diablo with lots of people in em..

I think its about a good time to find that cave deep in the woods.

 

Hmm but then I couldn't go to work...

 

I need some coffee, or maybe some tea.

Tea would be delish.

I think I'll have a spot o tea.

I'm really bored...

 

if you couldn't tell...

 

Yeah...

I don't have a damn thing to talk about.

 

Do do do

hmm...

I need beer..

its been way too long since I've had beer.

 

I needa turn 21 so I don't have to wait on those two lazy fucks to go get me beer.

and I can buy good beer too..

None of that "Snow plow" bullshit.

God that was nasty.

 

Anyway I'ma go do that thing

 

That I do

 

 

Smoke the hookah.

 

mm

 

Its hookariffic.

 

Prreeeow.

Don't think I could possibly be more dead to the world.

 

I am beginning to really think that..I just hate everything.

 

 

 

 

fin.

Listening to a whole lot of classical compositions...which led into getting a ton of opera and symphony stuff... I'm in a weird mood. I'm under the ice floating beneath, in a word of pale and dark greens that play with the light and the ripples of the water...looking up at the world passing by, changing with the passing of the sun and moon, the colors of the seasons coming and going.. And I'm here lying at the bottom unbenounced to everyone. Alone. With nothing but the beautiful saddness of the music flowing gently through my body like a soft warm breeze. I had once heard that drowning was very peaceful...and this is what it must be like...that final peace in lonliness when you give up your last breath for the cool water, and let your life slip slowly through your fingertips. Yet at the bottom of this ocean, I'm not dying...just letting the world pass me by as if it were in fast forward and myself in reverse. Slowly I surface, silently reaching for the edge of the shore, and walking back into the snow and the cold, down that lonesome trail again. I choose this path over the other, for it will always be winter inside my heart, and I travel away from the sun to avoid the spring. I breathe deep, looking back once again to the calm warm waters from which I just came from, and then ahead of me, down that path on which I will never reach the end, the wind chills my face, touching my cheeks as tender and softly as the sweetest lover, embracing my whole, and bending me to her will. I fight the shivering and I pull my cloak back up around my shoulders, and my hood over my head...and onward down this path I go once again. And inside I'm happy again once more. I had taken two steps down that other path, into the warm sunny days to come, and in her smile and her outstretched hand, I knew this is not the path I am to take, so I walked back again, trudging heavily through the snow, the sound of the organs pounding in my head, humming along with the music only I can hear, for there is no one else around. Solitude. Thats when I came across the gargantuan cliffs of a colorless world, out across the placid green sea. The waves tumbled against the rocks below in an endless battle, each last drop of water hurling itself against the ageless stones, desperately trying to move it at last, slowly, until the sea takes back the land which is rightfully hers.  Turmoil, the waves say to me, come and find your serenity at the bottom. Music, beautiful, sad, bringing me to my knees. To the sea, who's surface glitters with a million emeralds, reaching upwards to me against the rocks which have no color, begging me to come down, let them catch me, carry me away. It was then that I fell forward, aiming for the abyss which would embrace all the darkness inside me, only to have drifted under the icy shores..into a peaceful place amidst the music and the ice above. I could drown in this forever, I thought to myself, but it is time to go back to where I am to be going...on this bitter cold path of life

I hate winters. Sure..holidays are happy..but with that happiness always comes depression and increased suicide rates.. And then somewhere out on this winding road is Brian..and Brian hits a crossroads out there. The sings are all faded and unreadable, and there's no lights in the distance through the thick trees down either road. They both look exactly the same. So its here that I sit down, on a stone, looking down each road. Somone steps out of the trees up ahead down one of the road and beckons. A sweet face, warm smile. Down the other road blows a cold wind, and some fallen leaves, while the trees begin to grow more desolate and uninviting. Its winter down that path, nobody walks down that road anymore..down the other she still smiles, asks me to come with her. Light filters down through the leaves, the air is warm in that direction, and it seems that finally I'll have a companion to walk with mile after mile. But in my emptiness, I'm still weary of company..and I could easily continue the lonely bitter road alone, till I reach the end, or until I become lost. Its a hard call due to the fact that I could be happy either way. Yet I am tempted..tempted to give up this long lonely walk, to see where that road takes me.. Slowly I take two steps forward. She smiles.

Work tonight wasn't bad, just Amanda and I doing the baking shit. It was allright, not too challenging or complicated. We both aren't in the best of moods. 5 am yesterday morning Lacey comes home, some random guy she met at the bar with her. They were really rude and inconsiderate. People are fuckin tryin to sleep, and they come in slammin the doors, being loud as fuck, and then they're off bangin like a screen door in a hurricane being so fucking loud they probably woke the damn block up. Seriously pissed us off cause 1 I was up all night, my sister was also up all night since she's got as bad insomnia as I do, and she was just falling asleep, and her room shares a vent with Lacey's room, my room shares a fucking wall, and 2 its some random ass guy that she doens't even know more than his first name, in our house. Not exactly someone I'd trust to just let himself out after, he could easily take some of our pricey cool shit ya know? The shit is just not cool, at 5 am especially. I mean shit, at least be quiet about it. Have some goddamn dignity. I wouldn't want everyone thinking I'm a fuckin whore cause I am screamin my ass off at the crack of dawn. fuckin shit just isn't cool. If it was a guy she plans on seein more often, or actually knows, and had maybe brought him over a few times, then sure..okay..fine...just don't wake the neighborhood at 5 am allright? She does this shit ALL the time apparently... She does this again and wakes me up, she will suffer my revenge. I already have a few ideas, one being get a longer hose so when she does this again, just drag the water hose thru the house, kick down her door and fuckin let loose with the cold ass hose water.  That should get the point across. Next is just to fight fire with fire...start bringin home girls and hittin it up against the wall I share with her room at odd ass hours of the night, many a time in the night. On a night in which she has to work the next day. Luckily I'm a nice guy and wouldn't do that sorta thing just for revenge sakes.

I posted this a while ago and something else has just recently arisen, which has also struck a nerve in me, which almost immediately makes me cold and bitter. So I really don't want to get into specifics with this, so I'm going to only say this. You're on my shit list, you've been on there for a long time, if ever you cross my mind, the thought is followed by a million others which only show the various ways to make you suffer in agony thru various methods of torture, and unthinkable pain, just for the simple fact that I do not like you, and I wouldn't ever try either. Be glad I'm not there because there's nothin I'd like more than to stick you to a wall, 5 feet from the ground, by jamming my sword thru your stomache right above your waist, with the sharp ends of the blade facing vertically, so the weight of your body would cause you to slide downwards, so you slowly gut yourself until your downward progress is halted by the blade coming into contact with your ribcage and stopping there.  Do not ever speak to, or speak of me. As for all you guys reading this, sorry, I'm very very hateful, and probably really psychotic. all my friends, I love ya, and I promise I'm harmless(just don't piss me off, or fuck me over allright?)

So things are still goin rather well. Just chillin at home right now, waitin for my sister to WAKE THE FUCK UP already...shit... I wanna go do something and I know where nothing is..so I gotta wait on her. Works going good, just wish they'd put me somewhere...I'm bouncin around all over that place. One day I'm bakery, the next grocery, the next non-foods, workin mornings, swings, overnites. Its all pretty cool tho. Its EASY shit. Probably the easiest job I've had so far. Just another smooth glass of Piemonade, ya know?

 

 

I'm really liking it down here. Startin to talk to people nowadays, mostly just on myspace...good ol myspace... Got my page on there lookin pretty cool, which is good cause now that my other sites down for the count...I gotta do all my shit on myspace. I do miss my crazy ass site...

 

Anyway, so...lets see... ah...grocery is boring as hell...ya just bag...and...roam the parking lot for shopping carts and take out trash and clean shit...bakery at least has lots of shit to do ya know? Anyway peace...out...l8r

Well things are goin really good down here in Tucson. Enjoyin my new living situation, enjoying spendind time with Amanda and Gabe, and I'm enjoyin the new job at AJ's. Just wish I knew where things are in this town lol I seriously needa start driving around more. When I get more time off I'll be doin that, since I've been workin every day, and have no days off till maybe after thanksgiving...gotta love the holidays. Oh and Mary...guess that...no ghosts lol imagine that.

Happy Halloween everyone, hope ya'll had a great night. I ended up going to Flagstaff and meeting up with a friend who asks to remain anonymous. We decided finally to buy a bunch of condoms and go to the dorms and go door to door giving them out, since they all dubbed me Trojan Man. Had an awesome time, lotta people got a kick out of it, and we did as well. Spent an hour doin this and dished out three boxes worth of rubbers. Hope ya'll have a Safe halloween, and if any of you were visited by yours truly, add me up, and if you took pictures I'd really appreciate a copy! Thank ya'll, Adieu.